Hide and Seek

The places I really wish I'd used to hide from Newton

• The froglets water park
• Tarquin Toad's Bogology club
• Lily's locker
• The road

The one place I really wish I HADN'T tried to hide from Newton

• Gramps mud pool!

And Why?

1. Newton wouldn't have wriggled straight round to demand why I'd been skipping practice.
2. He wouldn't have accused me of causing Lily to suddenly quit the team.
3. I wouldn't have blurted out that it had nothing at all to do with me and everything to do with Chatternack.
4. Gramps wouldn't have heard the whole sorry story about how our illustrious head teacher was blackmailing me to play for the school team instead of Amphibians United in the up coming match.
5. Gramps wouldn't have hopped straight over to Chatternacks' private pad and confronted him.
6. Chatternack wouldn't have threatened not only to expel me if I didn't play for school but also to expel me if the team lost!
7. Gramps wouldn't have called him a hypercritical toady @*$?*£! and they wouldn't have openly brawled in the pond.
8. The police would not have had to be called to separate them and Officer Fergal Frog would not have received a black eye courtesy of Gramps.
9. Chaternack would not have gloated that as Amphibians United no longer had any frogs on the team that there would in actual fact be no match anyway as they could no longer claim to be a true inter species team.
10. And Gramps would not have announced that he himself would be playing as sub for AU as Fergal led him back to the station.

So there we have it,  not only have to play for WBS to avoid expulsion but also win the match, and my grandfather is going to humiliate himself by making a return to competitive sports. All because I couldn't have been a little more inventive with my hiding place,

What is a Frog to do?

If you've been wondering why I haven't blogging for a while, don't worry I haven't croaked or anything I've just been training really hard for the upcoming unfriendly frogpool match, West Bogside V Amphibians United. It's now less than a fortnight away and the practices have really been hopping up a gear. When you're in both teams that's a tight schedule I can tell you.

Despite that things have been going really well. The defection of West Bogside's best bull (and love of my life) Lily to our illegal inter-species team has really given us a boost and now she has finally bonded with the other bulls on the team I think they will form an impenetrable force. And that's not all, as out head teacher, the hypocritical Sir Chatternack, won't let Lily off the hook when it comes to school practices either, it means that my skin has become an impenetrable force to the personal attacks from Pixie (my never quite ex), captain of the school team, or so I thought.

With the match drawing so close the final preparations are being made and I got quite a shock when Pixie announced the final line up for it. Both me and Lily are in it!

"WHAT!?" croaked Lily and me in unison.

"Problem?" asked Pixie dryly.

"You know damn right there is!" said Lily.

"I'm sorry I'm not sure I do, perhaps if you share it with me can I do do something about it."

I puffed up my throat as large as I could, "Pixie you know for well me and Lily are in the Amphibian United squad, we can't play for West Bogside in this match, you've always known that."

"Are you members of West Bogside frogpool team or not?" she asked.

"Well yes, but only because Chatternack will expel us if we quit."

"So then if you're in my team I can play you in whatever match I want."

How could I have been so blind? How did I not see this coming? Why am I as thick as pond sludge?But I put that to one side and carried on in desperation as if I actually believed that Pixie may be brought to see sense in this lifetime.

"But you've got loads of players to pick from, look you haven't even put Mungo in the team, he'll be gutted."

"As captain I have the responsibility to field my best players, and you Meat (as in dead) are idiotic, idealistic, easily led and the company you hop with (she glanced at Lily) is quite frankly revolting but you are my best sub and I will play you!"

At this I deflated as flat as road kill but Lily wasn't defeated yet, the filthy look that Pixie had just thrown her way had just spurred her on.

"Well I think your strategy is all wrong," she said whilst laying a cold unmoving gaze on Pixie, "you'll be fielding two players with highly compromised loyalties, we won't play our best for you, we'll let the other team win, we will not be your best players."

If Lily's look was cold Pixie's was at absolute zero, "Oh don't think I haven't thought about that Miss Wide and Mighty, because I have. Sir Chatternack will be there and if he thinks for even a gnat's wing beat you are not putting 110% in you'll be out of school faster than I eat my lunch and I don't think either of you want expulsion on your records do you?"

Pixie's had me for lunch!

And she's right Mum and Dad would never recover from the shame and how will I ever escape from the bog without even a Bog Standard Certificate of Education. Pixie has got us tight by the webs and isn't letting go.

So what choices do we have? Play for Amphibians United and get kicked out of school, play badly for West Bogside and get kicked out of school, or save our school career by crushing AU along with the hopes, dreams and friendship of the best newt we ever knew

I can't bring myself to tell Newton yet, it will destroy him, and I'm not sure an inter-species frogpool team will have the same impact if there are no frogs in it. I am just hopping for another miracle between now and then.

What is a frog to do?