The Newt is Out There!

Things are not getting any better on the friend front. Mungo has had a relapse of bog rot and as the best ph for the growth of blue algae has now been established Tarquin has returned to the folds of bogology club. I did spend an evening with Notty and the Westside Choir. Well I say evening, it was more like 45 minutes. We croaked a few tunes and my baritone was complemented but then Notty suggested we went to the road for some joy hopping. 

JOY HOPPING!!!! I thought all those rumours were just macho bluff. Anyway I made up a real lame excuse about froglet sitting and was out of there leaving my manhood behind me. Now I have to try and keep out of the choir's way as well as the bulls if I wish to remain in attached to my newly healed webs.


Where's a real friend when you need one? Mine's completely vanished of the surface of the bog! The other phibs have noticed too, and it's not just Newton other class mates are becoming as elusive. the funny thing is they're all newts or toads, no frogs.

Anyway the bog being what it is it has started to generated many marshy myths about Newton and his strange behaviour. Here are some of the most ridiculous.

1. He's fallen in love with Madam Kassina our MFL teacher (Modern Froggy Languages) and is vanishing to secret assignations with her.

Don't make me croak! Newton can't  stand her, he always said her accent was phony and that she smelt of pond scum. To be honest he's never really taken much interest in the opposite sex, he says he likes his heart just the way it is.

2. He's actually been killed in a violent joy hopping incident and the glimpses we see are in fact his ghost haunting the this school corridors.

As if! For a start he's a newt and can't hope, it would have had to be joy wriggling which is defiantly not as glamorous. Anyway Newton just isn't that stupid and would haunt far cooler places than school!

3. He's joined some strange Gothic newt cult and is attending dark ceremonies to sacrifice innocent froglets.

I can't see it, he's always liked froglets especially my little brothers and sisters. Anyway I counted them this morning and they were all still there. If this were true I'm sure we'd have lost a couple.

4. He's in the process of a species  change and is going for DNA therapy.

Ridiculous, Newton is the proudest newt I know, he doesn't buy into this superior phibian slop that's doing the rounds these days at all. He even wears a badge that says 'Cute Newt' on it.

5. He's actually Sir Chatternack's alter ego. Have you noticed that you never see them in he same room as each other?

Of course not! Newton can't stand Sir Chatternack, he always says he's a complete xenophobic hypocrite of a toad (but never when he's been listening) and stays as far away from him as possible.


Anyway, whatever the truth is, Newton's just not around anymore and I could really use my buddy right now. There's no getting over the fact that my webs are fully healed and so next week I have to start going to Frogpool practise again. I'll have to face both Pixie my ex and Lily the unrequited love of my life cycle both who really hate me. I'm going to end up dead, or worse, humiliated.

Newton I hope you're reading this. Come back soon!


The Newt is Out There!



WANTED- New Best Friend

My so called best friend Newton is remaining as allusive as a good idea in a Frogpool match. I catch fleeting phantom like glimpses at school but that is all. I've sent him gnat messages but my gnat says he can't find him. In fact I've tried so many times that my gnat has gone on strike.

It's time I faced the fact that Newton no longer wants to be my friend and as you don't last long in this bog without friends I need to find some new ones before the bulls close in. I have drawn up a list of prospective best friends.

Mungo Frog Mungo seems to spend a lot of his time on his own these days, especially since his prolonged absence due to a nasty case of bog rot. Most of the other phibs have given him a wide berth since then. Miss Hopply the school nurse ensures us that he has been discharged by the Quack and is fully recovered but we are all a bit suspicious of the black acne that seems to persist.

The good thing from my point of view is that he is desperate for a friend so would defiantly welcome me with open webs, but is it worth the risk? Also he is a fantastic Frogpool player, playing central sub for the team and I really don't want any more Frogpool in my life than has to be there.

Nostradamus Frog  My cousin and since Mum has noticed that I'm not hanging out with Newton anymore she's started making hints that I should spend time with him instead. That's typical of mothers isn't it? Just because we're related she thinks we should automatically be best friends.

The truth of it is that Nostradamus, or Notty, as he likes to be known is a bit funny and not in a good way. He's a member of the Westside Bog Choir and a real head case. He has 'Croak till you choke!' tattooed across his throat and rumour has it that it was his idea to bring back illegal joy hopping. Mum's really worried that he will go the same way as Uncle Bosch, she thinks I'll be a calming influence on him. Who's going to keep me calm though? That's want I want to know! Still, with him about the bulls would stay right away.

A Notty Problem!

Tarquin Toad I used to play with Tarquin a lot when I went to nursery pool and whenever I see his mum she always asks me round for some grubs. But it's such a long time ago now since I was a froglet and he was a toadling, we've just grown apart. He's obsessively into subjects like Bogology and PSHE which I can't stand, he even attends Bogolgy Club most lunchtimes. He hates anything to do with Frogpool and never really forgave me for joining the team, not that I ever had anything to do with that! He also finds bipeds and anything to do with them repulsive and can't understand my interest with you humans at all. He blames you for all the bogs problems, personally  I think you are just misunderstood.

When we started at Westside Bog Sports Academy he soon made new friends as Bogology Club and I started to hop with Newton. Still I think I'd prefer to spend Time with Tarq than nutty Notty and I've heard rumors that he's fallen out with the president of Bogology club over what is the best ph for the growth of blue algae so maybe he'd be glad of an old friend.

This is an impossible decision to make so I have added a poll, please take a moment to help me decide who should be my new best friend.

I Never Thought I'd Say This But...

...I wish I hadn't missed a week of school.

I couldn't believe my luck, scoring a week off school and hanging out with Gramps at the mud pool was great, but  I  it wasn't worth the grief I'm getting now. For a start my form tutor, Mr. Barking, who could never previously recall my name and always referred to me as Number 9 has now forgotten my existence completely! You can't imagine my embarrassment on Monday as he introduced me to the form as the new frog. I wanted the bog to open up and swallow me!

Also, as I think I've mentioned before, I was barley scarping by in bogology, croak music and PSHE (pond studies and habitat ecology) and so currently I am failing in all three. I've been loaded up with extra assignments by my teachers which I need to finish by next week if I have any hope of passing my Bog Standard Certificate.

Worst of all I was called into see Sir Chatternack and given a lecture concerning my commitment to school and the Frogpool team. Apparently he has grave concerns about my attendance, especially at Frogpool practise.

HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?!? I was only ever off school because of a Frogpool related injury WHICH I wouldn't have got if I hadn't have been covering Mungo Frog's central sub position while he was at home recovering from pond rot. I mean how much more dedication does he want exactly?

I made the mistake of asking him this and so have now landed myself in detention until I am well enough to return to Frogpool practise.




Reasoning with Sir Chatternack!


... I don't think Newton's my friend anymore.

It's strange but since I've gone back to school I haven't spoken a word with Newton. He's late in the morning and is straight out of the school at the end of the day. He vanishes at break and lunchtimes and doesn't sit with me in class. I haven't seen him out of school either, he's not replying to my gnat messages and doesn't even turn up when I'm froglet sitting.

In fact, now I come to think of it he never came to visit me once while I was home convalescing. I'd ask him what was going on but he just vanishes before I can get the chance. I've been trying to see if I can spot him hanging out with anyone else but he just seems to disappear like bog fog.

... I think I'm in love.

Another reason I wish I'd been at school is that a new girl started and she is HUMONGOUS, I've never seen such a big frog, she has lumps in all the right places! Her skin is glistening and moist, her webs are as delicate as a spider's web. She's called Lily and her family have just moved from the east side where she went to the technology college.

The first time I saw her Pixie trod on my tongue and told me to put it away! Needless to say Pixie already has Lily in her webs and she is hanging out with the bulls, so not only have I absolutely no hope of going out with her but she probably already despises me to my very core having heard all the tales that Pixie has to tell (they're MOSTLY not true). In fact I've already caught her giving me a funny look in the canteen, I can only assume it was disgust, it was another bog swallowing moment I can tell you!

Lovely Lily

... I want to go to Frogpool Practise.

Partly because I really don't fancy the next month of detentions while my webs fully heal, but mainly because due to her impressive size Lily has immediately been signed up to the team. She must be the biggest bull in the bog and Sir Chatternack is very excited by the advantage that will give us.

I know I've no chance with Lily, she's never going to talk to me, she probably already hates me, but at least if I could go to practice then I could spend some time around her. If I was really lucky maybe she'd tackle me! I know due to her size that it would be painful as hell, but you know what they say, 'love hurts!'