The Newt is Out There!

Things are not getting any better on the friend front. Mungo has had a relapse of bog rot and as the best ph for the growth of blue algae has now been established Tarquin has returned to the folds of bogology club. I did spend an evening with Notty and the Westside Choir. Well I say evening, it was more like 45 minutes. We croaked a few tunes and my baritone was complemented but then Notty suggested we went to the road for some joy hopping. 

JOY HOPPING!!!! I thought all those rumours were just macho bluff. Anyway I made up a real lame excuse about froglet sitting and was out of there leaving my manhood behind me. Now I have to try and keep out of the choir's way as well as the bulls if I wish to remain in attached to my newly healed webs.


Where's a real friend when you need one? Mine's completely vanished of the surface of the bog! The other phibs have noticed too, and it's not just Newton other class mates are becoming as elusive. the funny thing is they're all newts or toads, no frogs.

Anyway the bog being what it is it has started to generated many marshy myths about Newton and his strange behaviour. Here are some of the most ridiculous.

1. He's fallen in love with Madam Kassina our MFL teacher (Modern Froggy Languages) and is vanishing to secret assignations with her.

Don't make me croak! Newton can't  stand her, he always said her accent was phony and that she smelt of pond scum. To be honest he's never really taken much interest in the opposite sex, he says he likes his heart just the way it is.

2. He's actually been killed in a violent joy hopping incident and the glimpses we see are in fact his ghost haunting the this school corridors.

As if! For a start he's a newt and can't hope, it would have had to be joy wriggling which is defiantly not as glamorous. Anyway Newton just isn't that stupid and would haunt far cooler places than school!

3. He's joined some strange Gothic newt cult and is attending dark ceremonies to sacrifice innocent froglets.

I can't see it, he's always liked froglets especially my little brothers and sisters. Anyway I counted them this morning and they were all still there. If this were true I'm sure we'd have lost a couple.

4. He's in the process of a species  change and is going for DNA therapy.

Ridiculous, Newton is the proudest newt I know, he doesn't buy into this superior phibian slop that's doing the rounds these days at all. He even wears a badge that says 'Cute Newt' on it.

5. He's actually Sir Chatternack's alter ego. Have you noticed that you never see them in he same room as each other?

Of course not! Newton can't stand Sir Chatternack, he always says he's a complete xenophobic hypocrite of a toad (but never when he's been listening) and stays as far away from him as possible.


Anyway, whatever the truth is, Newton's just not around anymore and I could really use my buddy right now. There's no getting over the fact that my webs are fully healed and so next week I have to start going to Frogpool practise again. I'll have to face both Pixie my ex and Lily the unrequited love of my life cycle both who really hate me. I'm going to end up dead, or worse, humiliated.

Newton I hope you're reading this. Come back soon!


The Newt is Out There!