Five Things I Hate About West Bogside Sports Academy for Amphibians
1. It's a sports academy. What happened to all the bog standard schools? If we lived on the East side of the bog I'd get to go to Eastside Technology College, but Mum and Dad won't hear about moving.
2.The Canteen. The food is all pre-deceased, haven't they ever heard of your daily 5 alive?
3. Our head teacher, Sir Chatternack. He was a Frogpool champion in his college days and went on to captain the international youth team. He is twice the size of any frogman I have ever seen. There are rumours that he had to have a DNA test to prove his species and that he falsified them but nothing was ever proved.
4. The Bulls from the frogpool team. They act as if they own the school, and may as well do because Sir Chatternack treats them like demi gods as long as the trophies keep coming. They single out any one who is no good at, or has no interest in frogpool and torture them to pass the time.
5. Newton, the class Goth. He sits next to me in most classes. He may as well have a sign flashing over his head that says, 'Open for Bulls'!
Five Things I Love About My Best Friend Newton
1. He's a newt and he's called Newton.
2. His hopeless optimism. He may be a goth but he is the most cheerful person in school.
3. His Individuality. It doesn't even begin to occur to him that standing out from the crowd is a problem.
4. His willing sacrifice for friends. Whenever the Bulls have me cornered he is more than happy to step in and divert them and let them flex their xenophobic muscles his way.
5. His moral high ground. Even when he is covered in bruises and toilet paper he thinks he won on intellectual merit.
I fear for Newton, but I admire him so much already. I truly hope that Hieronymus appreciates what a friend he has and never lets him down.
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