What's in a name? Humiliation and Pain.

It has occured to me that I am known by a whole variety of different labels, non of them are my choosing so I have decided to review them and present my personal favourites, in reverse order of course.

5. Hieronymus. What sort of name is that? I mean completely ridiculous. Apparently I was named after my Great Great Grandfather Hieronymus. Well I'm sure having suffered with it his whole life through the last thing he would have wanted would be to pass it on to his poor descendants. I mean it's a bit like passing down hemophilia, no one wants it! Luckily no one actually calls me it, not even mum. The one exception is Sir Chatternack, that's how I know he really doesn't like me.

4. Number 9. My form tutor Mr. Barking is so devoted to his career in education that he can't be bothered to learn our names and calls us by the number we appear in the register. I am therefore number 9, to him and several of my fellow students who never bothered to learn mu name either.

3. Meat. As in Dead Meat. It is the term of endearment that Pixie thought up for me after our near relationship once. She uses it whenever possible as do all the other bulls from the frogpool team.

2. Ronnie. Having realised their severe lack of judgement  five minutes after writing Hieronymus on my spawn certificate Mum and Dad had to try and make amends for the life long embarrassment. That is why to my family, and occasional friend, I am known as Ronnie, it is marginally better I suppose.

1. Frog. This is what my best friend Newton calls me, not being a frog himself he finds it amusing. I respond by calling him Newt (you'd never guess it). I like Frog, it's a bit like one of you two legged Mammals out there being referred to as Man, Woman or Child. It could be thought of as bad mannered but I like it, it's impersonal, safe with a slight edge to it. I like to think I have a slight edge, no one wants to be a blunt instrument.